How to Return to Calm: 7 Steps to Break the Addiction to Confusing Love

When you're stuck in the cycle of attachment, emotional highs and lows can feel like home—even when they hurt. But breaking that addiction isn't about cutting someone off with steel walls. It's about turning your energy back inward, and choosing peace over intensity, again and again.

Here’s how:

1. Name the Pattern Without Shame

The first step is radical honesty. Are you chasing their affection like a high? Are you staying because you’re afraid of what happens if you leave? Call it what it is—not to judge yourself, but to bring clarity. Clarity interrupts the confusion.

Try this journal prompt: What am I truly craving—love, or relief from the pain?

2. Regulate Your Nervous System Daily

Confusing love keeps your body on edge. To heal, your body needs to feel safe. Breathwork, meditation, walking in nature, stretching, or even humming can calm your vagus nerve. The goal isn’t to "feel better" immediately—it’s to remind your body that safety is possible without them.

Try this: Place your hand over your heart and say, “I am safe in myself.” Breathe. Repeat.

3. Replace the Ritual

The brain thrives on routine. If you normally check their social media every morning, replace that urge with a different ritual—make tea, write a mantra, or go for a walk. Give your brain a new “hit”—one that nurtures instead of drains.

4. Interrupt the Fantasy

We often stay attached to the potential of a person, not the reality. When you find yourself fantasizing, interrupt the thought. Ground yourself in what actually happened. What did they show you consistently? What did you feel most of the time?

Try this mantra: I release the fantasy. I return to truth.

5. Let Grief Be Your Guide

You're not just letting go of a person—you’re grieving the dream, the hope, the version of you that stayed. That’s real. Let yourself cry. Write letters you don’t send. Let the grief move through you, not run you.

6. Rebuild Self-Trust

Confusing relationships often erode your confidence and sense of self. Every time you say no, walk away, or make a choice in favor of your peace—you’re rebuilding self-trust. Small choices. Daily. That’s the work.

Try this: At the end of each day, ask: What did I do today that honored my peace?

7. Surround Yourself with Anchors

You don’t need to heal alone. Whether it’s therapy, coaching, a support group, or one honest friend—create an ecosystem that supports your nervous system and your clarity. Let others remind you of who you are when you forget.

Breaking the addiction to confusing love isn’t about becoming colder—it’s about becoming clearer. It’s not about shutting your heart; it’s about protecting your energy.

You can be soft and strong. Grieving and grounded. Healing and whole.

And the calm you seek? It’s not out there.
It’s waiting for you to come home to yourself.

✨ If you're ready to stop mistaking chaos for connection and start coming home to your true self, I’d love to support you.

In my 1:1 coaching and courses, we don’t just talk about healing—we practice it. Together, we’ll unravel the patterns that keep you stuck, reconnect you with your own inner wisdom, and build the kind of self-trust that no one can take from you.

💜 You don’t have to do this alone.