Understanding Power: When It Feels Fragile and When It Feels Rooted

There’s a version of women’s empowerment that looks dazzling on the surface — loud, confident, and highly visible. But beneath that shine, it can sometimes feel fragile, temporary, or performative.

On the other hand, there’s a quieter kind of power. One that’s steady, deep, and rooted in the truth of who you are — what I call embodied strength.

The challenge? In today’s culture, these two expressions of power often get mixed up — leaving many women chasing a kind of power that feels good only as long as the spotlight is on.

So how do you tell the difference between fragile power and embodied strength? And how can you move toward the latter — the kind of power that holds you even when no one is watching?

Let’s explore.

The Allure of the Outward Show

Let’s be honest: outward power is rewarded.

You get the likes.
The praise.
The brand deals.
The invitations.
The “you go girl” approval from a world that rarely pauses to ask if your power is rooted in truth—or just performance.

And when the only power a culture consistently rewards in women is desirability, of course we reach for it.

For centuries, the message has been clear: if you are beautiful, you will be protected. If you are sexy, you will be noticed. If you are pleasing, you will be wanted—and maybe, finally, safe.

This isn’t shallow. It’s survival.

When women have been punished for speaking out…
When ambition is called “too much”…
When softness is taken as weakness and strength as threat…
When leadership is dismissed, assertiveness is mocked, and intelligence is only valued if it’s wrapped in a pretty package—

Then desirability becomes the most accessible form of power.
It becomes social currency. Capital. Leverage.

It becomes the way to belong.
The way to be seen.
The way to be spared.

From the Disney princess to the music video muse, from Miss America to the influencer in lingerie, we’ve been trained to believe that being wanted is the highest form of worth we can hold.

And so, reaching for sexual power?
That’s not vanity. That’s conditioning.

Different Expressions of Power

Sometimes power wants to be witnessed. It wants to be seen, celebrated, and affirmed.
Other times, power feels quiet—like stillness, steadiness, or inner knowing.

Both are valid. Both can be empowering. And often, we move between them.

Sometimes we reach for visibility because we’re reclaiming what was once denied to us. Sometimes we express power in bold, sensual, or attention-catching ways because we’ve been told to shrink. That reaching isn’t shallow—it’s responsive. It’s personal. It’s a reflection of the world we’ve survived.

Other times, we feel drawn inward. Less performative. More internal. We crave depth over applause. Stillness over strategy.

It’s not about right or wrong—it’s about recognizing what you’re reaching for, and why.

Empowerment isn’t a performance, but it’s also not always invisible.
It’s dynamic. It shifts.
And the more we allow ourselves to honor all the ways power can move through us, the more whole we become.

When We Confuse Recognition with Liberation

Sometimes what we’re really seeking isn’t power—it’s liberation. From the roles, the rules, the expectations.

But instead of healing the deeper wound—the fear of being invisible, unheard, unloved—we go after recognition. We try to prove we’re free. We turn empowerment into a highlight reel: look how far I’ve come, look how confident I am, look how unbothered, how successful, how sexy.

It’s understandable. It’s also exhausting.

And underneath it all, there’s usually still a scared part of us whispering:

“Is this enough? Am I enough?”

Curated Power vs. Embodied Power

Curated power plays well in the algorithm.
But embodied power changes your life.

One is shaped to be palatable.
The other is shaped by truth.

Curated power asks: “How do I look?”
Embodied power asks: “How do I feel?”

One can be taken from you.
The other lives in you.

Empowerment as a Return, Not a Reach

For me, empowerment isn’t something we “achieve” out there.
It’s something we return to in here.

It’s the power to choose—again and again—what honors your body, your truth, your timing.

It’s knowing your worth when no one is watching.
It’s saying no when you used to say yes.
It’s allowing yourself softness without shame.
It’s asking for help. Holding boundaries. Letting go. Starting over.

Real empowerment is quiet sometimes.
It doesn’t always make for viral content.
It doesn’t always look good in pictures.

But it’s steady. And deep. And it lasts.

The Real Question

We’ve all reached for power in the ways we were taught it would be rewarded.
Through desirability. Through visibility. Through the curated performance of confidence.

That isn’t failure. That’s adaptation.

But eventually, something deeper calls.

The fragile kind of power—the kind that depends on applause, attention, or image—can crack the moment it’s not mirrored back to us.

Rooted power?
It lives beneath the noise.
It’s quiet, but unshakeable.
It doesn’t have to shout to be real.

This is the power that stays when the camera is off.
When no one is watching.
When you’re simply with yourself—and you know you’re still enough.

You don’t need to abandon one kind of power to embrace the other.
There’s no need to shame the ways you’ve adapted to be seen, loved, or safe.
Curated power—fragile as it may feel—got you through something.
It helped you survive in a world that rewards image over essence.
That kind of power was a strategy. A lifeline. A mirror to say, "I matter."

But you’ve outgrown the performance.
You’re ready for the kind of power that doesn’t ask for permission.
Not because it’s loud—but because it’s true.

You don’t have to reject the girl who once needed the gaze or the applause.
You simply get to choose differently now.
To lead from the rooted part of you.
The part that knows who she is, even in silence.
Even when no one claps.
Even when everything slows down and the lights go out.

That choice—subtle as it may be—is your quiet revolution.
Not a rebellion for show. Not a brand.
But a sacred return to power that cannot be taken from you.

Because it was never about becoming someone new.
It’s always been about remembering who you were before the world told you otherwise.

What does empowerment feel like in your body?

Not what it looks like.
Not what it sounds like.
Not what someone told you it should be.

But what does it feel like in your nervous system, in your breath, in your choices?

Maybe it’s time we stop defining empowerment as a brand, a look, or a lifestyle—and start reclaiming it as a living, breathing relationship with ourselves.

One that doesn’t ask us to prove anything.

Just to be here.
Fully. Freely. Finally.

Journal Reflection Questions to Explore Your Power

• When have you felt most powerful in your life? What was happening inside and outside you in those moments?

• How do you usually express power? Is it more performative, or more quiet and internal? Or both?

• What messages did you grow up hearing about how women “should” have power? How have those shaped your relationship to your own power?

• When do you find yourself reaching for attention or approval? What need or feeling is underneath that?

• What does “embodied strength” mean to you? Can you name times you’ve felt that kind of power, even if briefly?

• What would it feel like to give yourself permission to hold power quietly, without needing to prove it?

• What boundaries might you need to create to protect your embodied power?

• How can you support yourself today to come back home to your own truth, beyond external validation?

✨ Ready to explore your definition of power?

My 1:1 coaching is a sacred space for women who are tired of performing and ready to return to the truth of who they are.

If you’re craving a more grounded, soul-led experience of empowerment—one that isn’t shaped by the algorithm but by your actual aliveness—I would love to work with you.

💥 Let’s redefine what power feels like in your body.
💥 Let’s clear out the noise of what you’ve been taught.
💥 Let’s rebuild trust in your inner voice, your rhythm, your right to take up space.

https://www.emilybrownconsulting.com/free-intro-call

You don’t need to be louder. You just need to be honest.
And I’ll meet you right there.