Hey love,
We’ve been taught—explicitly and subtly—that belonging comes from fitting in. From being agreeable. From smoothing our edges. From learning how not to feel too much.
And yet, despite all that effort, so many of us still feel lonely. Disconnected. Like we’re constantly managing ourselves to be acceptable.
Here’s what I’m slowly, tenderly unlearning: belonging doesn’t come from self-abandonment. It comes from self-acceptance.
I came to this realization today in a very real way.
After taking in more about the Epstein monstrosity, I noticed myself shutting down. I could barely motivate myself to write. My mind immediately went to, “I’m too sensitive. I take things too hard. I should be stronger than this.” That familiar urge to override my feelings and make myself smaller showed up fast.
And then something softened.
What if this isn’t weakness at all?
What if my tenderness—my ability to feel, to grieve, to be impacted—is not the problem, but the compass?
Trying to people-please my way out of tenderness doesn’t make me safer. It just disconnects me from myself. And from the people who can actually meet me there.
What helped ground me today were posts from @themamaattorney and @doctorshefali. Both offered clarity, steadiness, and compassion—and reminded me that we’re not meant to process the world’s cruelty by hardening. We’re meant to stay human and resourced.
And it struck me—this is how the right people find us. Not through proximity or performance, but through resonance. I didn’t know these women. I didn’t seek them out personally. They were simply visible in their truth. They spoke from their center, and my tenderness recognized theirs. That’s what being “findable” actually means.
When we stop shaping ourselves to be easier to digest, something unexpected happens: the right people begin to find us. Not the ones who need us tougher, quieter, or less affected—but the ones who recognize tenderness as strength.
So today, this is your permission slip:
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To feel deeply without shaming yourself for it
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To stop calling your tenderness a liability
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To let yourself be seen as you are
Because your tenderness is not the obstacle. It’s the signal.
The people meant for you aren’t looking for a protected, polished version of you. They’re looking for the real one.
With love,
—Em 💜⚡
đź“· Photo by Mehrpouya H on Unsplash
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