Dear My Little Sunshine Beams,
I’ve been sitting with something quietly this week—something that feels important to name with care.
Pain and suffering are often treated as the same thing.
They’re not.
Pain is part of being human. It’s the ache that comes when something ends, shifts, or disappoints us. It’s the moment your heart realizes a truth before your mind is ready to accept it. Pain arrives honestly, without agenda. It moves through the body in waves, asking only to be felt.
Suffering is what happens when pain arrives and we leave ourselves.
Most of us were taught—very early—that pain was dangerous. That it needed to be fixed, explained, minimized, or pushed through. So when pain shows up, our bodies tighten. Our minds rush in. We brace. We tell stories. We try to get out of it as fast as possible.
And in that rush, something subtle happens.
We abandon ourselves.
Suffering isn’t caused by the pain itself. It’s caused by the resistance around it. The fear layered on top. The belief that we shouldn’t be feeling what we’re feeling, or that if we stay with it, it will overwhelm us.
But pain doesn’t ask to be solved.
It asks to be met.
When pain is allowed—when it’s met with breath, presence, and curiosity—it often changes on its own. Not because it disappears, but because it no longer has to shout to be acknowledged.
This has been especially clear to me in relationships.
So much of what we call suffering in love isn’t just heartbreak—it’s the ongoing act of overriding ourselves. Staying when the body is saying no. Explaining when something inside us already understands. Normalizing emotional absence. Convincing ourselves that longing, chemistry, or effort means safety.
And here’s the nuance: sometimes we abandon ourselves not because we don’t know better, but because we are wired to seek connection. Our nervous systems remember who was safe, who wasn’t, and how to survive attachment. We stay—even when it hurts—not because we don’t feel, but because leaving would trigger too much alarm in our bodies. We cling, explain, accommodate, over-function, override our signals, and stay connected even when it costs us internally.
Pain might say, This hurts.
Suffering says, I’ll stay anyway and disconnect from myself to survive it.
And that disconnection is what hurts the most.
What I’m learning is that being held by life doesn’t mean pain never comes. It means I don’t face pain alone anymore—not braced, not armored, not ashamed of feeling it.
It means staying with myself when something hurts.
Letting sensation move without rushing to meaning.
Allowing my body to soften instead of tightening around the experience.
Pain moves.
Suffering stays stuck.
And the shift isn’t about becoming tougher or more evolved. It’s about becoming more present. More honest. More willing to stay with ourselves.
Sometimes that looks like breathing through a feeling instead of analyzing it.
Sometimes it looks like leaving sooner.
Sometimes it looks like telling the truth instead of managing the moment.
And sometimes it simply looks like not abandoning yourself when something is tender.
You don’t need to suffer to grow.
You don’t need to harden to be strong.
You don’t need to bypass pain to be healed.
Pain is part of loving, living, and telling the truth.
Suffering is optional—not because pain is easy, but because you no longer have to face it alone.
Journal Prompts:
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Where in my relationships do I notice I’m overriding my body or feelings to stay connected?
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How does my nervous system react when I think about saying no, leaving, or speaking my truth?
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Where am I feeling pain—and where might I be adding suffering by disconnecting from myself to maintain connection?
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What does it feel like in my body when I allow myself to feel pain without trying to fix, explain, or override it?
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How might staying present with myself inside discomfort change the way I relate to others?
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Where have I learned to equate closeness with self-abandonment, and how could I practice safety while still being connected?
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When did I last honor my own signals in a difficult relationship, and how did it feel?
👉 Hit reply and tell me—where in your life are you feeling pain, and how are you noticing whether it’s becoming suffering?
With so much care,
Em 💜⚡️🌟
đź“· by Yuris Alhumaydy on Unsplash
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