Dear Sparkling Soul,
I want to give you two words today that neuroscientists have been studying for over two decades — and that I think every woman needs in her toolkit.
Name it.
That's the practice. And it sounds almost embarrassingly simple until you understand what's actually happening in your brain when you do it.
Because here's what most of us do with hard emotions: we brace against them, rush past them, or drown in them. We say I'm fine or I'm a mess — and neither one is specific enough to actually help us.
And when we're not specific, the brain doesn't settle. It just keeps sounding the alarm.
WHY YOUR BRAIN NEEDS A WORD
When you experience an emotion without naming it, your amygdala — the brain's threat-detection center — stays activated. It keeps signaling danger because it genuinely doesn't know what it's dealing with.
The moment you put a precise word on what you're feeling, something shifts. Your prefrontal cortex — the regulated, meaning-making part of your brain — comes online. It interrupts the distress signal. Researchers call this affect labeling, and studies show it reduces emotional pain in the same measurable way that physical pain medication acts on the body.
You're not suppressing the emotion. You're not bypassing it. You're locating it. And the brain calms down because it now knows where it is.
This is why in REBT (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy) we get specific about beliefs and feelings. It's why mindfulness asks you to observe rather than merge. Language creates just enough distance between you and the experience that you can breathe again.
THREE THINGS NAMING ACTUALLY DOES
01. It shifts you from being the emotion to witnessing it
There's a world of difference between I am overwhelmed and I'm noticing overwhelm right now. One is identity. One is information. Naming moves you from the first to the second — and from that position, you have choices.
02. It makes the vague specific — and specific is what heals
Most of us are working with a tiny emotional vocabulary. We default to anxious, sad, angry, fine — words that describe a general territory but miss the actual terrain.
Overwhelmed is not the same as resentful from over-functioning. Sad is not the same as grieving the version of yourself you thought you'd be by now. Anxious is not the same as ashamed and afraid someone will notice.
The more accurate the word, the more complete the relief.
03. It interrupts the spiral before it starts
Unnamed emotions loop. They build a case, circle back, intensify. The moment you name one — clearly, specifically — you disrupt that cycle. You hand your nervous system something it can work with.
JOURNAL QUESTIONS
- Think of an emotion you've been carrying this week. What word have you been using for it? Is there a more precise word underneath that one?
- Where in your life are you defaulting to "I'm fine" or "I'm just stressed" — and what might be more true?
- What happens in your body when you name something accurately versus when you push it aside?
- If you named exactly what you're feeling right now, with no softening — what word shows up?
THIS WEEK'S PRACTICE — NAME IT ONCE
The next time you feel an emotional charge — even a small one — pause and ask:
What is the most accurate word for what I'm feeling right now?
If nothing comes, try: It feels like... and let the metaphor lead you to the word.
You don't need to fix it. You don't need to process it or share it. Just name it. Once. Out loud or on paper if you can.
Then notice what happens in your body in the thirty seconds after.
That shift you feel? That's your brain exhaling.
This is a love letter to the part of you that's been carrying something unnamed — that's been white-knuckling through feelings you haven't had words for yet.
You don't have to understand it to name it. You just have to be willing to look at it long enough to call it something true.
That's the whole practice.
With love and deep respect,
Em 💌
P.S. The research behind affect labeling comes from psychologist Matthew Lieberman at UCLA — his work showed that naming emotions reduces activation in the amygdala and increases prefrontal regulation. If you want to go deeper, his book Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect is a beautiful place to start.
P.P.S. If you're staring at this practice thinking "I don't even know where to start with words" — there's a free interactive Feelings Wheel at feelingswheel.app. Click from the center outward and let it find the word for you. Bookmark it. Use it.
And hit reply and tell me: what's the emotion you've been carrying without a name? I read every single one.
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